Calvin Coolidge
In the third and final part of my mini-series "Which President Would Be Invited to the Tea Party?," I start with President William Howard Taft. The "biggest" man in the White House, Taft would most certainly be a favorite of the Tea Party right? Reluctantly serving as president following Theodore Roosevelt, Taft did everything the Far Right Wing of the party asked of him. Taft removed federal lands previously set aside for conservation and gave them to private enterprise so they could to turn huge profits. As Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, threw out Child Labor Laws protecting children from the dangers of the workplace. That should put the seal and a bow on his invitation, but alas, NO WAY! How could the Tea Party possibly refuse the "Big guy?" Seems Taft supported the right of the federal government to collect income taxes under the 16th Amendment (for shame!). He also imposed taxes on corporations, surely leading to being blackballed by Norquist, the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelson. Although Taft embodied virtually everything the Tea Party stands for, he would be excluded because he would never sign Norquist's Americans For Tax Reform Taxpayer Protection Pledge. Ride a raft out of town Taft, do not pass the Tea Party's free parking.
Next came Woodrow Wilson, elected president when the GOP supported Taft for reelection over Theodore Roosevelt. Ironically, the GOP pledged to support Taft even though Taft claimed he would not even vote for himself. As a result of splitting the GOP, the election was handed to Former president of Princeton and New Jersey Democratic Governor Woodrow Wilson. Although Wilson supported big business and guaranteed them huge war time profits, he remained a Democrat and that alone disqualifies him from ever receiving a invite to the Tea Party. After GOP Senator Henry Cabot Lodge destroyed Wilson's reputation, Warren G. Harding came into office with his own group of thieves known as "The Ohio Gang." Harding's scandals were so bad during his administration that the stress killed him! Can anyone say Tea Port Dome? Veterans' Bureau? Folks from his administration and Cabinet went to jail, and Harding escaped further scrutiny by dying in office. The Tea Party has weird standards for admission into their clique, but Harding was just too shady for an invite. Perhaps even Jack Abramoff would get an invite before Harding?
Calvin Coolidge was free of the corruption charges and he is best known for not speaking very much in public. Coolidge decided early on that Harding had endured so much bad press, he would instead pledge to quiet everything down and force the media to ignore him, hence his title, "Silent Cal." When a stranger met Coolidge at a party, he bet him that he could get Silent Cal to say more than two words. Coolidge responded, "You Lose!" Coolidge allowed the stock market to be free of any regulations and allowed the banks to speculate freely with their depositors' money in stocks no matter how risky or worthless they were. As president, Coolidge exemplified the GOP mantra of the Roaring Twenties that has been revived today; "More business in government, less government in business." Silent Cal, come on down to and join the Party!
Following Coolidge was Herbert Hoover, also a huge proponent of GOP reliance on big business to trickle down jobs and money to the working classes. Hoover would be a Tea Party favorite except for one slight hiccup...he served as Food Commissioner under Woodrow Wilson during WWI, and working with a Democrat, not matter how patriotic during a time of war, is blasphemy! Hoover gets "sucked up" and out the door and is barred from joining the party! Of course, the next two presidents are so despised by the GOP and the Tea Party, they are only addressed by their initials and not their actual names. FDR and HST. Forget about it guys, you wouldn't be caught dead at a Tea Party anyway! Ah, next would be Ike, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, a true American War Hero. Pushing Republican agendas was great for Ike, but unfortunately, he believed in building the Interstate Highway System, one of the largest infrastructure projects ever undertaken by the Federal government. He also warned against spending too much money on the defense industry, which is a sacrilege to the Tea Party. Like McArthur said to Congress, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." See 'ya Ike!
John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson also are eliminated from getting an invitation because they preferred a pathway for minorities to seek equality under the 14th Amendment, The Tea Party still is stinging from JFK's orders during the Freedom Riders escapades and the failed Bay of Pigs. Kennedy would be looked down upon by the Tea Party as weak and a patsy to the Russians, all while he stared Khrushchev down during those tense days in October, 1962. Ride your PT Boat Commander towards the sunset Jack, no admission at the Tea Party for you! The effects on the Tea Party are still being felt as a result of Lyndon Johnson's "Great Society" giving equal civil and voting rights to minorities in America. Johnson can just go and ride a burning Trailways Bus through Alabama instead! Richard Nixon comes along with his own set of problems, including excessive paranoia engaging surveillance on every politician in Washington, D.C...which is exactly the type of leadership the Tea Party admires, one that takes the initiative to complete his objectives effectively! Nixon though opened diplomatic relations to China and just the hearing the word "China" blows dog whistles in the ears of Republicans. He also establishes the EPA, another "wasteful" government bureaucracy! Sorry Tricky Dick, even the Tea Party would not want you.
Gerald Ford followed Nixon, and he did everything possible to return more power from the presidency back to Congress. This would undoubtedly inspire all members of the Tea Party, except he did one real bad thing to hurt his chances of being invited! Nope, not pardoning Nixon! The reason for not getting an invitation to the Tea Party is the fact that he beat Ronald Reagan in the 1976 GOP primaries, and that cannot be tolerated. Nobody beats Reagan and gets away with it!
After Ford came Jimmy Carter. Need I say more? No way Jimmy, take your butt back to the Habitat!
Then came the immortal All-American GOP Savior from Fundamentalist Heaven, Ronald Reagan! Glory Hallelujah! Although touted as the supreme idol of the Tea Party, Reagan not only worked with Democratic Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill, he repeatedly raised taxes in order to provide spending on public programs. He also engaged in illegal swapping of arms for hostages in the Iran Contra Scandal and he raised the debt ceiling each year of his presidency! But because he is the "Gipper," the Tea Party will always worship Reagan! Their invite to Reagan would read though be "please remember to come!"
We all know his successor, President George H.W. Bush tried to be a solid president, but his mantra "Read my Lips, No New Taxes" just could not hold true so his actions just solidified the doubts held by the Tea Party about him. It certainly would not help his causes any because of "The Insult!" Bush insulted Holy Reagan when he proclaimed Reagan's "trickle down" financial policies to be nothing more than "Voodoo Economics." Sorry Poppy, you insulted Reagan, and that is a SIN, so hell is where YOU are headed! As we move towards the end of the list of the Presidents, we come to William Jefferson Clinton. " Impeach Bill Clinton" was the mantra of the GOP a while back. Bill would have nothing to do with the GOP, let alone attend the Tea Party...after all is said and done, Clinton's unique policies on domestic issues is enough for him to be rejected, especially those dealing with interns! No more "Hope" for Bill. The Tea Leaves don't reflect a very kind picture of Bill as president (or his wife Hillary).
So that leaves us with our most recent presidents, George W. Bush and Barack Obama. Bush spent money on things we did not need like two wars and he consistently broke the budget with tax cuts leading to high budget deficits. His no new tax pledges is attractive to the Tea Partiers, but his lousy stewardship of a fiscal disaster led directly to the election of Barack Obama, and that transgression cannot be tolerated. Bush, stay home and cut more trees like you did on vacation for over an 12% of your time as president. The Tea Party is ashamed of you (but not your brother Jeb, he's cool)! Which brings us to Barack Obama. His regulatory scheme has less regulations than before Jimmy Carter (which means less regulations than under the anointed one; Ronald Reagan), he proposed no new taxes during his presidency and even cut payroll taxes. But, he wants to raise taxes on the rich and he is an Kenyan, a Muslim, an Alien, a Commie, a Socialist, an Elitist, an arrogant uppity %$#$& wealth re-distributing, Welfare Acorn loving, never led a business like a lemonade stand (just only led the most powerful nation in the World but that doesn't count), and you fill in the blank__________________, so no GOP Super-PAC supporter would give a single dime to the Tea Party if they even thought to invite Obama. BHO is just as bad as FDR! And we all know how things worked out under FDR!
So our list of presidents that would be invited to the Tea Party is now complete! Headlining the VIP list would be none other than Ronald Reagan (the man, the legend, the myth) along with presidents Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Rutherford B. Hayes and Calvin Coolidge (a veritable "Who's Who of the worst presidents in our history). Quite a list of presidential star power isn't it? Unfortunately, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin would throw their invitations into the trash (except Reagan's) because they have never heard of these guys! Nice going Tea Partiers, have a lot of fun with this group of presidential headliners! Which president would you invite to the Tea Party?
Next came Woodrow Wilson, elected president when the GOP supported Taft for reelection over Theodore Roosevelt. Ironically, the GOP pledged to support Taft even though Taft claimed he would not even vote for himself. As a result of splitting the GOP, the election was handed to Former president of Princeton and New Jersey Democratic Governor Woodrow Wilson. Although Wilson supported big business and guaranteed them huge war time profits, he remained a Democrat and that alone disqualifies him from ever receiving a invite to the Tea Party. After GOP Senator Henry Cabot Lodge destroyed Wilson's reputation, Warren G. Harding came into office with his own group of thieves known as "The Ohio Gang." Harding's scandals were so bad during his administration that the stress killed him! Can anyone say Tea Port Dome? Veterans' Bureau? Folks from his administration and Cabinet went to jail, and Harding escaped further scrutiny by dying in office. The Tea Party has weird standards for admission into their clique, but Harding was just too shady for an invite. Perhaps even Jack Abramoff would get an invite before Harding?
Calvin Coolidge was free of the corruption charges and he is best known for not speaking very much in public. Coolidge decided early on that Harding had endured so much bad press, he would instead pledge to quiet everything down and force the media to ignore him, hence his title, "Silent Cal." When a stranger met Coolidge at a party, he bet him that he could get Silent Cal to say more than two words. Coolidge responded, "You Lose!" Coolidge allowed the stock market to be free of any regulations and allowed the banks to speculate freely with their depositors' money in stocks no matter how risky or worthless they were. As president, Coolidge exemplified the GOP mantra of the Roaring Twenties that has been revived today; "More business in government, less government in business." Silent Cal, come on down to and join the Party!
Following Coolidge was Herbert Hoover, also a huge proponent of GOP reliance on big business to trickle down jobs and money to the working classes. Hoover would be a Tea Party favorite except for one slight hiccup...he served as Food Commissioner under Woodrow Wilson during WWI, and working with a Democrat, not matter how patriotic during a time of war, is blasphemy! Hoover gets "sucked up" and out the door and is barred from joining the party! Of course, the next two presidents are so despised by the GOP and the Tea Party, they are only addressed by their initials and not their actual names. FDR and HST. Forget about it guys, you wouldn't be caught dead at a Tea Party anyway! Ah, next would be Ike, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, a true American War Hero. Pushing Republican agendas was great for Ike, but unfortunately, he believed in building the Interstate Highway System, one of the largest infrastructure projects ever undertaken by the Federal government. He also warned against spending too much money on the defense industry, which is a sacrilege to the Tea Party. Like McArthur said to Congress, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." See 'ya Ike!
John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson also are eliminated from getting an invitation because they preferred a pathway for minorities to seek equality under the 14th Amendment, The Tea Party still is stinging from JFK's orders during the Freedom Riders escapades and the failed Bay of Pigs. Kennedy would be looked down upon by the Tea Party as weak and a patsy to the Russians, all while he stared Khrushchev down during those tense days in October, 1962. Ride your PT Boat Commander towards the sunset Jack, no admission at the Tea Party for you! The effects on the Tea Party are still being felt as a result of Lyndon Johnson's "Great Society" giving equal civil and voting rights to minorities in America. Johnson can just go and ride a burning Trailways Bus through Alabama instead! Richard Nixon comes along with his own set of problems, including excessive paranoia engaging surveillance on every politician in Washington, D.C...which is exactly the type of leadership the Tea Party admires, one that takes the initiative to complete his objectives effectively! Nixon though opened diplomatic relations to China and just the hearing the word "China" blows dog whistles in the ears of Republicans. He also establishes the EPA, another "wasteful" government bureaucracy! Sorry Tricky Dick, even the Tea Party would not want you.
Gerald Ford followed Nixon, and he did everything possible to return more power from the presidency back to Congress. This would undoubtedly inspire all members of the Tea Party, except he did one real bad thing to hurt his chances of being invited! Nope, not pardoning Nixon! The reason for not getting an invitation to the Tea Party is the fact that he beat Ronald Reagan in the 1976 GOP primaries, and that cannot be tolerated. Nobody beats Reagan and gets away with it!
After Ford came Jimmy Carter. Need I say more? No way Jimmy, take your butt back to the Habitat!
Then came the immortal All-American GOP Savior from Fundamentalist Heaven, Ronald Reagan! Glory Hallelujah! Although touted as the supreme idol of the Tea Party, Reagan not only worked with Democratic Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill, he repeatedly raised taxes in order to provide spending on public programs. He also engaged in illegal swapping of arms for hostages in the Iran Contra Scandal and he raised the debt ceiling each year of his presidency! But because he is the "Gipper," the Tea Party will always worship Reagan! Their invite to Reagan would read though be "please remember to come!"
We all know his successor, President George H.W. Bush tried to be a solid president, but his mantra "Read my Lips, No New Taxes" just could not hold true so his actions just solidified the doubts held by the Tea Party about him. It certainly would not help his causes any because of "The Insult!" Bush insulted Holy Reagan when he proclaimed Reagan's "trickle down" financial policies to be nothing more than "Voodoo Economics." Sorry Poppy, you insulted Reagan, and that is a SIN, so hell is where YOU are headed! As we move towards the end of the list of the Presidents, we come to William Jefferson Clinton. " Impeach Bill Clinton" was the mantra of the GOP a while back. Bill would have nothing to do with the GOP, let alone attend the Tea Party...after all is said and done, Clinton's unique policies on domestic issues is enough for him to be rejected, especially those dealing with interns! No more "Hope" for Bill. The Tea Leaves don't reflect a very kind picture of Bill as president (or his wife Hillary).
So that leaves us with our most recent presidents, George W. Bush and Barack Obama. Bush spent money on things we did not need like two wars and he consistently broke the budget with tax cuts leading to high budget deficits. His no new tax pledges is attractive to the Tea Partiers, but his lousy stewardship of a fiscal disaster led directly to the election of Barack Obama, and that transgression cannot be tolerated. Bush, stay home and cut more trees like you did on vacation for over an 12% of your time as president. The Tea Party is ashamed of you (but not your brother Jeb, he's cool)! Which brings us to Barack Obama. His regulatory scheme has less regulations than before Jimmy Carter (which means less regulations than under the anointed one; Ronald Reagan), he proposed no new taxes during his presidency and even cut payroll taxes. But, he wants to raise taxes on the rich and he is an Kenyan, a Muslim, an Alien, a Commie, a Socialist, an Elitist, an arrogant uppity %$#$& wealth re-distributing, Welfare Acorn loving, never led a business like a lemonade stand (just only led the most powerful nation in the World but that doesn't count), and you fill in the blank__________________, so no GOP Super-PAC supporter would give a single dime to the Tea Party if they even thought to invite Obama. BHO is just as bad as FDR! And we all know how things worked out under FDR!
So our list of presidents that would be invited to the Tea Party is now complete! Headlining the VIP list would be none other than Ronald Reagan (the man, the legend, the myth) along with presidents Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Rutherford B. Hayes and Calvin Coolidge (a veritable "Who's Who of the worst presidents in our history). Quite a list of presidential star power isn't it? Unfortunately, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin would throw their invitations into the trash (except Reagan's) because they have never heard of these guys! Nice going Tea Partiers, have a lot of fun with this group of presidential headliners! Which president would you invite to the Tea Party?
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